I want to make an excuse for giving up...but honestly I just gave up on myself. I felt like I couldn't do it and I still am unsure while writing this. I'm thinking about how I will probably fail tomorrow. I won't track myself and I will go back into my same old bad habits. I see my sister everyday, struggling with her diabetes, shouldn't that be enough to get me off my butt and in gear and make this change. I was so dedicated before, what happened? I know I need the Lord for this, I cannot do this without him. I need to expect more of myself. I told my husband that I was afraid I would fall back into old habits when I started college and I was right. Although I am not sure that is the only culprit, I'm sure it was part of the stress that caused me to give up. On a daily basis, I am overwhelmed with my three children. I find myself very stressed when they are not listening and are fighting and bickering and when that stress comes knocking at the door I eat and at the end of some really bad days I REALLY eat. This is the problem...how in the world do I cope with the stress of being a mother, wife and student without food. I don't know how. I have ALWAYS turned to food to get through bad times, its just how I cope. I guess that explains why I am 240 lbs or so right now (I will weight in tomorrow morning to see for sure.) I'm just down right disgusted with myself right now. I say I am going to change as of now, but the hard part starts when I wake up tomorrow...will I make the changes I need to. Will I sustain the promise I am making to myself? I need this so bad. I just pray for the motivation to start this, to stick with it and to make it work! I was supposed to go back to the doctor last month, but honestly I was so embarrassed that I had not lost much weight in 6 months I didn't want to go in. I probably lost maybe 15-20 lbs, but I feel like that wasn't enough to make any difference.
