Day 51: Downright mad at myself

I've slipped big time and can't seem to get myself back up.  I was doing so good for awhile and now...I'm not.  I feel like I can't do this.   I haven't been giving it my all, so I know it's all my fault.  I feel like crying.  I have a friend who started weight watchers 2 or so weeks ago and has lost 10 lbs.  I haven't lost anymore.  Mainly because I have been giving into temptation way more than I should and not tracking things when I munch throughout the day.  I'm sad and I can't stop looking down on myself right now.   I need to get myself back into the swing of things.  I started my week yesterday with sticking to my points for the day and not going over, but today I went out to a buffet and honestly I am angry with myself for saying yes to the idea.  Today I pray for encouragement, because I honestly feel like I can't do this.  

Day 42: back on track...again...

 

As of today I am 242,  I have been working on getting back down to my weight of 241 since I had a bad couple of days...again.  I feel like I'm on a roller coaster with my weight loss anymore.  I lose some, I gain some back,  I lose some, I gain some back...when will I just keep losing?  I need to keep my focus this time and keep the goal at hand in my sights and stop getting tempted, which means somethings just cannot be in the house at all!  I have to get back into exercising again.  I just can't get myself in the groove especially since Andrew is now working 11-7 all the time AGAIN.  I hate it I feel like I never see my husband and he never sees the kids either.    I'm praying that he can start getting better shifts again.  

Day 38: Feeling really discouraged

I can see myself giving up,  giving into temptation.  I feel like nothing seems to be coming off even when I'm trying.  I feel like if I slip up even the slightest bit  the weight comes back on,  I can even be following weight watchers to the T and if I use all or even half of my bonus points I gain 2 pounds back.  I'm frustrated.  This effin sucks.  I know at this point  I'm not giving it my all and that's why it's not  working,  I guess I'm in denial but with the gaining weight when I'm still following weight watchers, it's true.  It really makes me angry that Andrew can eat like a freaking pig and not gain a pound yet I am working so damn hard to lose this weight and one tiny slip up and I am back where I was a week ago and I gain back some of the weight I just lost.  Will I always be fat?  Will I always be a failure?  I am really feeling down on myself because of this big slip up because of the day of Blake's birthday party Sunday.  I can't give up this easily,  if I don't change my weight I will have health problems and I've got to be here for my kids.    Today I'm praying for hope, motivation and strength to press on in this journey.  

Day 34: Still pressing on but feeling discouraged

Today's Meal Recap:
Breakfast:  Yogurt- 2p+
Lunch:  Turkey Sandwich 5p+, Honey Mustard Pretzels 3p+
Snacks: Honey Mustard Pretzels(my downfall today) 3p+,  Ice Cream with Hope 5p+
Dinner:  Sweet & Sour Chicken 6p+, Fried Rice 9p+ ( had more than I should have)
Evening Snacks:  Honey Mustard Pretzels 3p+,  some leftovers from dinner 5p+

All in all it was not a great day I was over by about 5 p+.  I didn't exercise today,  I did yesterday though.  I just feel like I'm not moving forward, like I'm not doing enough.   I need that oomph to get me moving just something to feel like what I am doing is worth it.  I want to lose this weight so bad it hurts.  This journey has got me relying on God more.  I know I can't do this without him.  I pray for a better day tomorrow, more willpower and more strength.   I really need to take the time each day for myself to spend 30 minutes exercising and putting my all into it.  I want to give into my laziness and I sadly enough have been...  I need to push forward and get past my pitfalls.  This is truly a roller coaster.  One day I feel wonderful about all of this and other days like today I feel like the weight is never going to come off.   Once again it's the fears that I will fail that are holding me back.  It takes me back to the saying that got me started in all of this "What would you do if you knew you couldn't fail?"  I can't fail.  My kids need me and I need to be healthy because my health is going to get worse if I don't take the steps to fix this. 

Day 33: Just a minor slip up

I think I have just lost focus today.  I have been weighing myself every morning and I think this is tearing me down more than it is helping me.  I feel like I'm not loosing the weight, even with the exercising and following weight watchers.  I just wish I could see the weight coming off to give me hope.  I can't give up.  I can't let myself down again.  Praying for motivation and hope today. 

Day 33: rough night = rough morning run

Okay, the whole idea of running in the morning sounds good in theory, but in reality it absolutely sucks. It may be because I didn't sleep well at all, because of everything that was running through my head. I was thinking about all I have to do today. I was thinking about how I don't know if I made the right decision going back to school when I am making another big life change. I'm worried I'll give up because of stress from school, I have to pass or I have to pay back my financial aid. I'm just worried... So today I have to register my oldest daughter for school, I have to go get my books for college and I have to go get another goldfish for Lexi because the other I just got last night got sucked up into the filter and died in the middle of the night (another reason I didn't sleep good) I am having a rough start to the day and I truly wish I could just go back to bed and make believe I'm not this grouchy and groggy. Ugh I just pray the lord gets me through today with my hair intact.

Do Everything-Steven Curtis Chapman